You are Already Dead

Cal jumped back from the curb but not before the front of his suit was hit by a wave of water.  The Lotus Exige S disappeared around the corner as Cal muttered, “I should just kill myself.”  Wasn’t it enough that he was taking orders from a kid barely out of school and half his age?  Apparently not.  He’d have to wait until payday to get his suit cleaned.  Or the one after that since his cupboards were almost empty.

He fumbled to unlock the door, his hands numb from cold.  He ducked at the entranceway of his basement suite.  How was it possible to work so hard that he was always tired and had no time for anything else…for…for what?  “All this,” he thought wryly as he surveyed the cramped rental unit.  “Yeah, this is it.”  He retrieved his Beretta M9 from the closet and his stomach rumbled.  “Okay,” he conceded.  A man shouldn’t die with an empty stomach.

The frying pan hit the sink with a clang.  He sat down to his cheese sandwich and potatoes with a sigh.  He was out of ketchup but had some salt and pepper packs from the fast food joint.  “Not bad, buddy.”  Had his cheap fried meals always tasted so good?  He cracked open the last beer from the case as the cat door banged.  He filled Nelson’s dish and sat back on the threadbare sofabed.

“I should just kill myself.”

You are already there.

“What do you mean?”  Cal asked the voice that seemed to be coming from Nelson.

You have already died.

“Am I in purgatory?”

Nelson laughed and purred, his whiskers reflecting silver light.

Your concept of you is dead.  Your ego has shattered open.

Cal sat up with a jolt and Nelson jumped from his lap.  “I must have dozed off for a minute,” he told Nelson and headed to the shower.

You are at the threshold.  Will you let yourself enter enlightenment? 

“What the hell?”  Cal looked back at Nelson who was staring at him.

 

 

 

29 thoughts on “You are Already Dead

  1. Ooh, this was a stark beginning to my week, Danica. With a lot on my mind lately and feeling distracted, I can’t quite put into words the feeling(s) I have after reading this. I will ponder throughout the day. I’m thankful that the stray cats that constantly gather outside my townhouse haven’t spoken to me (yet), nor have I imagined that (yet).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Interesting! For me, stark was the backstory but I can certainly see what you mean. I hope you’ll find some peace of mind today, Rich. A grilled cheese sandwich might help. Do tell if anything comes of your pondering. Hmm…have you wondered why the stray cats gather around you? 🙂

      Like

  2. I liked that this guy has dark thoughts but also some Will to live. His cat needs him and
    he will keep forging ahead. The voice in his head is sending him really intriguing messages!
    Hope no one gets down or sad about life this weekend.
    Happy Valentine’s Day, Danica! ♡♡ big hugs sent your way!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: You are Already Dead – Part II | Living a Beautiful Life

  4. Pingback: You are Already Dead – Part III | Living a Beautiful Life

  5. Pingback: Let’s Write a Story! | Living a Beautiful Life

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