I try to avoid crowded shops and malls in general. But, I hadn’t been shopping for anything other than groceries in ages… and this wasn’t just any kind of shopping…. This was Halloween costume shopping, baby! Let’s go!
Usually, I create a costume around items I already have. This Halloween, I didn’t have the time. It would have to be a costume off the rack. Okey dokey.
Hey, look! There’s a whole section of women’s costumes! This will be easy peasy! Oh. They’re all the same. Some genius created a template and mass-produces outfits that are variations on Sexy. You can wear thematic lingerie in public: sexy nurse/fairy/ladybug/referee/bumblebee/cop/maid/superhero/angel/jailbait/pirate/beer girl, etc.
What now? I’ll adjust one. I can replace this skirt, modify the top, skip the thigh highs stockings… well, by the time that’s done I might as well have not bothered.
Hmmm. Okay, I’ll get a prop a build around it. Let’s see, I can get a mask, crown, cape, wand, sword, gun. I can’t wear a mask or elaborate makeup all day, a crown would be tedious and a gun would be too controversial. That leaves: wand, cape and sword.
Wand. Wands are awesome. I could be a sorcerer. Maybe get a crystal ball too. A fairy godmother! I’d need a long gown of some kind. Hmm… back to time constraints.
Cape. I like capes. Vampire is good, but there will be many. Here’s Little Red Riding Hood. I could ditch the outfit and keep that red cape. I’d carry my own sword — bring it, Big Bad Wolfie. Do I really need to make a statement with my costume?
“Hey, there’s Batman!”
“Those are guys’ costumes.”
“Po-tay-to, po-tah-to. Batman is the best superhero.” The mask though. The costume is a lot better with the mask.
“Ninjas?” A bunch of different types. I like the black/gold.
“Hey, the armor fits!” I could cut off the bodysuit and wear the arm and leg cuffs. It still looks like a good costume without the mask. Oh, wait, without the bodysuit what would I wear? Black jeans or a skirt, no problem. I’d need a black shirt.
“Who doesn’t have a black shirt?”
“I know, I know. I don’t have a plain black t-shirt to go under the armor.” Easy fix. Long sleeve or short sleeve? Long sleeve. Not quite my size, but close enough.
“Now I need swords.”
“No swords here.”
“There are a bunch of other places that will have them.”
“If there’s any stock left?”
“Don’t worry.” I’m good at the 11th hour, baby.
Sword. Who knew there were so many different types of swords? Skulls, gothic, fencing, Viking, ninja, machete… Oooh — I like this one.
“Ninjas have two swords and not like that. Look at the picture.”
“I like this one.”
“It’s the wrong kind.”
“Nope. I’m going to be a Magical Ninja.”